This study examined how people initiate change in their relational status when experiencing hurtful conflict. A total of 581 dating partners, siblings, and friends recalled a real-life conflict that occurred in private and hurt their feelings. They imagined the conflict occurred yesterday and their relational partner has not yet apologized for hurting them. They were then randomly assigned to repair the relationship or increase relational distance. Perceived face threats to the offender and victim were measured, and the forms of participants' relational change messages were assessed. Type of primary goal and relationship type interacted to influence a variety of face threats and message features. Face threats were also linked to the forms of participants' relational change messages. Independent and interdependent self-construals were linked to message features in statistically distinct ways, with main effects for independent self-construals and interaction effects for interdependent self-construals combined with face threats. Study limitations and directions for future research are also considered.